sleep deprived

tick-tock. listening to the fan spinning. hearing the rats behind my home calling out. and soon i'll be hearing the mengaji from the nearby mosque. ya Allah da kul5 knapa tak ley tido ni.. secara tiba2 segenggam keresahan melanda jiwa dan hati tanpa simpati. tak sedar kah bahawa skang ni dah kul5 pagi, kenapa perasaan bergolak datang di ketika ini.. mengapakah aku tiba2 rasa resah dan bersalah tak tentu pasal ni? guilty for my past wrongdoings and sins..

why does the heart feel sad and empty

when there is no reason for it to be

why does the mind continues to scream

when it does not need to yell and be crazy

in the cold and quiet of the night

my fingers dance out as if in flight

in the silence and calm of the darkness

i find myself overcome with sadness

faces of you you and you swim in my eyes

faces of those that i had fed love and lies

voices of friends i have lost, left without a sound

touch from previous loves, can no longer be found

reminiscing of what i had done

all the promises i had spoken

all the hopes i had broken

and all dreams i have shaken

what have i done? how could i do it too?

you all don't deserve what i did to you

these words might never reach them

but i must say it, say what a fool i am

i am sorry for the lies you didn't know

i am sorry for the actions you didn't deserve

i am sorry for the words i made and broke

i am sorry for the advantage that i took

i am sorry for using you and you and you

i am sorry for everything else i did to you

my list of faults are surely a lot longer

but forgetful me can think of no other

i hope the experience made you stronger

to better equip and prepare for the future

i wish you are now happy and content

i wish you have found a better replacement

i wish you a long and loving relationship

and i wish you found more than friendship

this sad soul wishes it could turn back time

this heart hopes you can forgive my soul's plight

it is no wonder i got what i got from her

'twas the Lord's way of saying "serves you right"

but He is merciful enough to give me another

it is up to me, then, what to do with her

i promise i will and i must treat her right

for she is now a beacon of hope and light

light that shines into the dark of my heart

giving hope to what was once torn apart

for this i thank You, and also to you dear.

~product of IzzJ 31May2011 540am~