Compass-like Destinations

East I have been.
South I have gone.
West I am going.
North is coming soon?

oookay...

.ouch.wow.that.hurt.

Master's at Harvard

I'm sure those of you reading this would think, "wow, really?!" when you saw my title just now. Haha don't get too excited.
It's kinda laughable when suddenly your dad says that he's never been to Harvard, and if you were there doing your Master's degree he would finally have a reason to go. Harv say what? Me, in Harvard? I literally LOL right there and then. I am sure he was kidding. I am not interested (yet) to do that. But after a killer statement like that coming from him (whom always speaks his mind), one does wonder, should I really continue my studies? Was that a veiled suggestion from him?

Ughh.. No no no. I've set my mind on getting my career started after the grueling 4 years I had just endured. I've just had about enough of classes and lectures and all the drama in between. Sorry dad, you are either gonna have to look at your daughter for that, or wait another 10-15 years and then check again to see if I am interested XD

for love or for money

It's been more than a month since my last official business as a student, which officially means i am a self-appointed official penganggur, or unemployed personnel.

Searching for jobs in my line of work with half-baked credentials and qualifications is difficult. Seeing some of my fellow fighters (with obviously better results and more experience) easily securing interviews and positions just adds insult to the injury. That's what you get when you do something you don't really love doing. Bottom-line: Do what you love, and never let anything else affect your decision.

One does wonder what would have happened if I took a different path 5 years ago. Snap decisions have always been a pain for me, and this was one of them.

Looking through job ads and various websites these past couple of weeks, it did occur to me: should I try for a position in writing instead? Freelance, temp, permanent, anything. It is, after all, one my many loves and interests...

Happy Birthday Ibu

Tomorrow the 26th of June is my mom's birthday. Happy Birthday. As usual we always celebrate the night before with a cake and a small gathering. Kakcik and I are sorry things didn't work out as we planned. We already had things figured out for the small celebration. Would have been perfect. Who knew that person would come, and ruining it by coming. There was nothing we could do. Sorry. :( Love you.

MonthLongAbsence

It's been a month since I last saw your pretty face...
The distance that separate disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face..
I'm here without you baby but you're still on my mind..
And I think about you all the time..

Distance was supposed to make my heart forget
But nothing has changed, it grows fonder instead
Oh boy, this is not going as planned..

Bits n pieces taken from 3 Doors Down - Here Without You

Just a thought...

Toll: RM 20.80 (back and forth)
Fuel: RM 30++ (back and forth)
Travel time: 45 minutes at an average 120km/h (one way)
Other salient points: Possible speeding fine each trip, possible traffic jams may affect commute time

Trip down south soon

To go or not to go,
That is the question.

And here we go again..
One more time..
Allah murahkan rezeki dan permudahkan urusan.
Amin

Thanks anyway

"And there you have it folks. A huge disappointment this has been", said the announcer..
Have you ever had that feeling when you want something so badly, you tend to think about it all the time, it keeps running in circles in your head, and you wish and wish real hard in the hopes that by doing so, the thing you wished for is granted? Well, that's just bullsh*t. Sometimes you expect too much. Choices are difficult, and sometimes having only one choice is so much better. But what if you don't even have that one single choice? No Door 1 and 2 on you left and right, but only a stretch of solid walls as far as the eye can see?

3rd Sunday of June

Father. Dad. Ayah. Papa. Abah. Baba. Pops. Their meanings are the same. It would be remiss of me to blog all June and not touch on Father's day.

They're meant to be role models to us. Act as a guide, a leader, a teacher, and if you're lucky, also as a friend. Go on fishing trips. Fix a car. A person you can talk to about sports, or girls. But then again, not all fathers are role models. Not all are good or great. Some don't even care about their families. But in the end, they're still are your dad.

In essence, not just a dad can be considered as a "father". For some, a person who is a hero in their eyes deserve to be called fathers too, because a father is always a hero to their children. In that sense, your hero can be someone else who has inspired you, a father-figure, and be a hero in your eyes, be it an uncle, a grandfather, a brother, or even your mom. If they have given you inspiration, if they have been your source of strength, if they have given cause to be your hero, then they too deserve to be celebrated on Father's day.

I spent Mother's day this year in a car and at my mom's hometown to take care of my grandfather's funeral. I am wondering how Father's day will be celebrated...

To all fathers and heroes out there, I wish you a very happy Father's day, may you continue to guide and inspire us all.

Allah Be Praised

Opened my results. My eyes ignored all the A B C details and skipped ahead to the final grade point... "Alhamdulillah" was the first word that came to mind, and "Ya Allah, nasib baik" was the phrase that came out of my mouth. As of 1.00am on this blessed Friday morning, I am done. After the short prayer I offered, I went over the details and was disappointed to discover a taint on the otherwise satisfying result. Sigh.. I can't say it wasn't expected, but still, to see it with my own two eyes was just hard.

Now that it's over, time for the second phase of this short human life: Work. Job. Career. Oh tidak... Even the thought of it is enough to make me wanna throw a pillow over my head and just close my eyes. But, being the firstborn, duty is duty, responsibility must be shouldered. With my sis still studying for her diploma and my bro about to finish school, I can't afford to be lying around, like some people i know yang x cari keje pun. hehe. naseb bek korang dua dah start jadi RA, kalo x mmg ak label korang sbg pemalas. haha.

Anyway, I'll be ending tonight's entry now. Need to update a few details before turning in for the night. toodles~

A Graduate At Last?

At 12.25am, an email from the UiTM system came into my inbox, bearing the results for my final semester. As I am typing this, I have yet to open the email and it's explosive, life-altering contents. I admit, when I open that email, a 4year battle for my degree will finally come to an end. Although i have been waiting for this moment for the past 4 years, now that it is upon me, I am scared. My hands are literally shaking like a leaf as I dance my fingers on the keyboard. Damn, result SPM pun x rasa macam ni dulu. Sheesh.What happens after I read the email? What do I do next? Sigh.. Choices choices, decisions decisions.. Seems like my plans to watch a TV series on the PC tonight are cancelled. I'll click that email soon. Soon.. I promise.

To my comrades in arms, it's been a helluva ride these past 4 years. i wish you good luck in all your future endeavors. Do keep in touch. To my dear, I hope you get the best, you certainly deserved it.

I will update sometime soon, after the blasted email has been opened. By me. Soon...

When Boredom Sets In

Thursday. Exactly a week since the interview. Been officially unemployed for a month now. Boy, sitting at home sure is boring. Today, I've been glued to the home PC, watching the last few episodes of Smallville, including them much anticipated series finale. Yes, series finale, not season. After 10 ghoulishly long seasons, it's finally over. Mixed feelings about the ending episodes. Disappointed to see the final allegedly-epic battle last only a few seconds (again, as in the Doomsday episode). And quite a number of loose ends too.

Anyway, when i checked the mailbox around 5pm (yes, i didn't venture out of the house the entire day. Sue me), I found a curious pamphlet. Upon further inspection, I saw that it wasn't a pamphlet but a newspaper. What surprised me was that it was from a political party and addressed to me. My first thought after seeing from where it came from was "Hey, I don't remember subscribing to any newspaper from any party. Why the hell are you people sending this to me?". Anyway, I brought it in and flipped through the pages. Yada yada yada... Government did this, didn't do that.. blahblahblah.. The people this, the people that.. yackyackyack.. and so on and so forth.

But what caught my eye was one of the article's headline, "Generasi Y Penentu PRU13", where PRU being Pilihan Raya Umum, or General Election. To be honest I'm not very fond of either side of the Dewan Rakyat, both are, in my eyes, are full of hot air and hypocrites of the highest order. A friend once told me that all of us are hypocrites in one way or the other, and I agree with her, but being way too obvious a hypocrite, especially since you are the leaders, is really annoying for us down here. So I was amused to see the article. I scanned through it and couldn't agree more. This was what I was talking about just yesterday. We, the youths, have an important role in this country's future, some of us already ARE playing a big role. We have our own opinions and ideas for our future. We can't just be pushed around or forced to be quiet like small schoolchildren. And we are certainly not happy with what see around us today. By denying us the freedom and the rights that we are entitled to in this blessed country, one side is pushing away a powerful force that can make or break any type of governing body.

What the hell are both sides doing? One side is pissing off and choking the people, the other side are a bunch of "lalang" and endangering the people. Both of you are losing sight of the REAL issue, the REAL reason we gained what we gained more than 50 years ago, the REAL reason you are in office, be it as an Opposition or Government. I think it's time someone knock both your collective heads together and put you back on track. Either that, or step down and make way for  younger minds, for a fresher perspective.

On a lighter note, since I finished the Smallville series, it's time to finish off my other series. Maybe i'll start with Chuck, I miss the Intersect and his team of super-spies. Or maybe the blasphemous Supernatural. Kids shouldn't be watching it without adult supervision and ample religious knowledge. Angels fighting over control and killing each other? God goes missing? Sheesh, dangerous much. Also have lots of other series. Hmm.. I'll pick one tonight then. :)

Freedom of Information? my freakin' a*s

Situation:

Today at noon I was downloading a new series, Game of Thrones, following the recommendation of a good friend of mine. So, I downloaded all available episodes, up to the 9th episode. Tonight, I go to the same website to get something else, and all I got was an "Oops..!" announcement from my internet browser.. 

WTF!!! Man, I was pissed. Hell, I still am. Why, in the name of the Gods of  P2P, did you freaking people block it?! What would be the use of introducing a high-speed internet connection to us citizens and then remove the MAIN reason we upgraded to the high-speed connection? Bloody freakin' idiots. For what?

Dear Mr. Filmmaker, 1: "Unauthorized use of copyrighted work" is not destroying the industry because there IS no film industry whatsoever to destroy. Most of your movies ALREADY suck, so what is there to destroy? Sorry, but in any given year, the number of good movies can be counted on the fingers of one hand, at best two. So don't complain. You guys suck... And 2: Err, hello? Most of us out here don't even download for profit, but just for personal use. Why not go and take down people that do? I still see porn being sold in the streets, I still see shops selling obviously pirated CD's at legitimate shoplots. What about them? Why not block websites that share journals too, since those research were done by hardworking people, consuming a lot of time to study. Why not block websites that share pictures and photographs too, since those photographs were taken and edited by hardworking people. Why not block websites that share installer software too since those softwares were developed painstakingly by people. Next thing you know, online newspapers will be blocked, and then blogs, followed by social networking websites. Why not just block the whole damn Internet while you're at it? And oh, don't stop there! Block the media too, television and radio cuz they are a source of sex and violence. And then block newspapers and magazines, cuz that's how people learn about gossip and immoral stories. And if you were wondering, all that was sarcasm... I repeat: bloody freakin' a-holes.

Let's give an everyday example, say a knife. It can be used to cut up meat and veggies in the kitchen, or for survival in the wild, or cutting pieces of rope or wire at the local hardware store, or to stab and kill people. But you don't ban the selling of the freaking knife just because some people decide to use it for bad purposes, do you? Is it the knife's fault it killed a person?

Basically, you can't ban everything in the world, you can't censor or ban everything from being viewed by the public.. you can't control the Internet, it's a free place. And by doing what you just did, you have just made yourselves VERY unpopular among the younger generation, which make up more than half of Internet users in this country (Nielsen, Apr 2011). And according to history, youths are a force to be reckoned with..

Just a piece to vent my frustration. There are many other ways to circumvent the ban, but still... sheesh.

Silver Lining

As I once said, talking to you always brings a smile to my face by the time we end our meeting or by the time I hang up. You always manage to find and show to me a silver lining whenever I say it's dark. And today you did it again. To say my hopes were dampened would be an understatement after finding out what I found out. so, thank you for your words. Straightforward, true words. Sometimes I wish I could be your silver lining, your moisture-tolerant shoulder, your beacon of light, your glimmer of hope when you need it. I wish I could just do something for you in return, I know you more than deserve to be treated nicely.

Deflated Hopes

Once upon a time, there was this company. They took in students for internship from various engineering disciplines, mine included. But now when I am trying to find work there, all the available positions I see are positions for people with only this one certain type of engineering degree, mine NOT included. How can you offer internships for my discipline and yet have no available openings for permanent staff? And here I was, hoping upon hope that they would have a suitable position - any related position - for my qualifications . Sigh.. Back to square one, I guess...

Currently Reading: Sherlock Holmes The Complete Novels and Stories Volume 1

Finished "The Notebook" in a few hours after started reading it. The story was nice, the plot was lovely and simple, the characters were easy to relate to. I realised that I haven't actually read a love story before. All in all it was okay. But a bit too much love in one book, kinda overdosed me. So now I'm switching to a more logical and thrilling read about the famous Sherlock Holmes. Gone through the first story and halfway into the second, where Holmes and Watson are introduced to the lovely Miss Morstan. The English used in the novel is an old type of British English, making it a bit difficult to understand and causing me to constantly flip through a dictionary. But it is enjoyable so far. Can't wait to finish so I can get Stephen King's "Under The Dome" and Sparks' "The Wedding". heheh... hey, just because I'm a guy doesn't mean i can't read love stories :)

one down~

Today's interview went well I think, Alhamdulillah. At the end of my allocated 30 minutes, the interviewers even had the courtesy of giving out pointers on how to handle future interviews. memang terbaik lah Mr. Zaidi and Mr. Suffian. Thanks a lot for your time and advice. The results will be known at the latest first week of July. dang, so long ah? In the meantime, I'm praying I get more calls. I'm dying of boredom at home...

Currently Reading: The Notebook

While waiting for the briefing session to start this morning and also on the train back home after the session was over, had time to open up a new book i just got yesterday at Mydin USJ. It was one of those foldable-table type shops in front of the escalator on the first floor. Found tons of books that I wanted but hadn't the money to buy, and here they were at reduced price. So, i "borrowed" money from my mom (thanks! i'm still broke) and got some books. I wanted to get a whole lot more (the other Nicholas Sparks books, Stieg Larsson's "The Girl Who..." collection, and Stephen King's "Under The Dome", but wo meiyou qian.. no money lorr). In the end I took "The Notebook" by Nicholas Sparks and "Sherlock Holmes: The Complete Novels and Stories Volume 1" by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. Yeah yeah i know, they're pretty old books but I haven't read them yet. Bite me.

So far, The Notebook is okay, still getting to know the two main characters. Probably will comment on how it was when i'm done, if I feel like it :)

Off To Work?

Got my first call for an interview, finally. Alhamdulillah.. Today was just the initial briefing and a technical test. although we had no idea what the test was trying to prove. The first part was okay, simple and straightforward, unless there was a hidden agenda there.. they gave us a couple of technical drawings like at school and told us to draw in the missing views. you know, the plan view, elevation view etc.. so it was okay. the SECOND part however is a different story..

Imagine a photograph of an oil rig out at sea. the question: "If you were to make a vertical cut of the ocean beside the oil rig, what would you see? draw it in the blank space below". There was also a second photograph, this time an oil refinery plant on land, with the same "vertical cut" question.
Say what? I don't have x-ray vision, how am i supposed to know what's under there.. So, i just drew what i could imagine. it was ridiculous after it was finished, but hey, they wanted a drawing, i'll give them a drawing..

Hope all goes well for my first interview tomorrow!

Wedding conversations

Conversation yang agak sentap between my family members during one of the wedding kenduri we attended this weekend:

Sentap #1
Mak unggal fuzi: Zuden, girlfriend awak yang aritu ada lagi x? ala, yang Pak busu awak tolong hantar sampai ke rumah aritu masa kat johor.
Me: *dalam hati* "apakah? how did you even know that?" *out loud* Huh? girlfriend? oh yang tu.. tak lah, x ada apa2 lagi dah dengan yang tu..
Ibu: Dia dah 2 kali tukar dah tu..
Me: "ughhh... dengar pulak mak aku ni kalau bab awek ni"

Sentap #2
Ayah (to Mak unggal fuzi): Nanti awak nak buat knduri anak awak, awak sponsor 50 orang jemputan je, senang. the rest guna live telecast je, webcam ke youtube ke..

Mak unggal fuzi: Wah, mmg jimat. OK jugak tu. kita bayar 50 orang untuk family terdekat je, yg lain-lain kita guna internet je. Hah Zudin (me), dengar tu. nanti ayah awak support 50 orang je tau. yang lain awak jemput through Fesbook and suruh witness it online je, x payah susah2 datang. jimat duit makan pun jimat. kalau nak buat kat atas Gunung Kinabalu pun xpe. yang penting saksi tu je.

Me: Erkkk... Haha betul la tu, ok jugak. *dalam hati* "Why me? ramai lagi orang laen kat sini yang  x kawen lagi kot. and motif aku nak buat kat Gunung Kinabalu?"




Conclusion: I hate school holidays yang banyak wedding, ada je nanti aku kene perli T_T

Forgotten No more~

One of my first poems I wrote in this year of 2011. Inspiration hits when the mood is there. The mood comes when emotion is touched. :)

Will you be there when I need you the most?

Will you brush away my tears when they fall?

Will you make me smile like a crazy idiot?

Will you do anything to make me happy?

Will you promise never to break a promise?

Will you trust me when i don't trust myself?

Will you pick me up when i fall to the ground?

Alas,

For these I can give you no answer

I am not a reader of minds

Nor an owner of a magical crystal ball

But please dear, look at me

Look into my heart, my soul

And tell me what can you find

Can you see it in my eyes,

In the way I look at you?

Can you hear it in my voice?

Can you see that I won't leave you behind?

Can you see that I would never forget you?

Can you see that i would always treat you right?

And can you see that I view you as a door, not a key?

A door to the unexpected and undreamed of

Full of surprises and the unexplored

I cannot promise to fulfill all of these words

I am but a lowly and humble human

But if you can trust me, if you believe me

I will perform this pledge to the best that I can

Yes, I am merely a lonely passer-by

Possessing nothing but simple words as my weapon

Paper and technology as my battle field

And the World Wide Web as my messenger

So, I send this to you, dear friend

With the glimmer of hope, hope for a chance

Will you let me enter into your life?

Will you allow me to steal your heart?

Because you are lovable if you want to be.

~product of IzzJ 19April2011 514pm~