fairness and equality

life can be - and is - unfair. people, however CAN be fair if they choose to. when they say they're being fair but in reality they aren't, that's just plain hypocritical  and can be cause of an argument. and when it's someone you love and respect, it's even more so.

where are your promises of fairness? where are your words of equality for all? what happens to us now?

B*tches and their b*tchiness

You are a nuisance. You don't belong here. You are not welcome. And now you dare invite yourself to a family event? Have you no shame?

weekend well spent

previously mine is currently someone else's. good to see you happy.

rich man's world full of people watching the many ways to waste money.

all black met all gray at night and only went home after a figurative alarm sounded.

and that's how i spent my 3 day weekend.

weekends and weekdays

how fast a weekend flies by. sheesh.. can't someone invent a 5 day weekend and 2 day weekday? T_T

parasitism

parasites take but never gives anything in return. parasites harm their hosts or even kills them. parasites should be exterminated but are often difficult to do so.. oh how i hate those that take anything they like but contribute nothing in return.

wishes..

how I wish it was true. it would be one less item to think about.

Graduation Blues

it's time. hello after a long absence, and finally goodbye to 4 years' worth of friends, acquaintances, crushes, and enemies.

nothing so far could compare to the importance and joy of this day, however this occasion also marks a new chapter on life without old friends by our side.

"As we go on we remember all the times we had together"

Stay in touch, friends. InsyaAllah we'll meet again soon..

Ghosts of Conflicts Past

not looking forward to rehearsal and despite it being an obvious reason to be happy, not looking forward to convocation either..

its not as easy as "just forget it" as others easily say. how are you supposed to face people that were once involved daily in your lives and were more than just friends?

the only highlight would be the meet up of the besties and the unusual circle of friends I had gained at the end of last semester. thank you for being a reason for me to even come at all.

Simple Beauty

A friend alerted me about this just now. I went outside, and indeed, it was a magnificent sight. Unfortunately the pictures i took weren't able to capture a nice picture. this one was one of the more clearer photographs taken, courtesy of a friend who posted on Facebook. But even this doesn't do justice.

A halo of light around the moon. When you think about it, basically it is merely the moon and the sun's reflection off the moon's surface (and probably some scattering of the light waves through the atmosphere, but better if you ask friends from NASA). but the result... Simply beautiful. Praise be to Allah.

The Wedding by Nicholas Sparks

I haven't written a book review in quite awhile, been busy. So here goes.

"The Wedding" is a sequel to "The Notebook". The book starts with a monologue, or sorta like a narration by the main character, Wilson, whom is married to the daughter of The Notebook's main character, Noah. Wilson is a workaholic and an unaffectionate husband and father, who realizes his life needs a major turnaround after unwittingly forgetting his 29th anniversary, causing both Wilson and his wife to think about their life and future, and where Wilson vows to make amends. We follow Wilson's story up to his 30th wedding anniversary, where he plans something special for his daughter's so-called wedding and his own anniversary.

Very romantic and moving, and you can't help feeling sorry for the guy, because what he goes through is only normal; a guy barely out of college, working feverishly to make ends meet for his family and working like the devil for years, up to the point he becomes almost like a stranger to his own wife and kids. In the end he make up for everything and more. Makes us wish that real life could always be this heavenly. ;)

The truth, the missed, and the hope

A string of bad decisions. Yup. That's me.

They say we're supposed to learn from our mistakes. I learn (or at least I try), and yet I still keep making the wrong decisions. Sometimes, the same one over and over again. ughhh...

Life's just messed up. But can't really blame life. To quote you, "Because of life I met you". Btw, good to see some part of the old you that I've come to know and love is still there. I've missed it. :)

Hope this time around, my choice is correct. Or at least, not regrettable. Yeah, I'll settle for not regrettable. It already has the beginnings of one, hope it continues.

P/S: I enjoyed my first K-pop karaoke-ing with you peeps. LOL

decide..

Here we are at the end of the month of syawal. also the end of september, which is part of the year 2011's final quarter. our convocation looms, bringing along a frenzy of questions and last minute payments & preparations. sigh..

what about work? not really enjoying it. what is my purpose of even being there? i wonder. i don't wanna be accused of hopping jobs, but under the circumstances...

crappy decisions everywhere..

thrown

You say you care, but you want to be out of their lives. how is that even possible?
why do you keep pushing people you care about away? just because you have bad history with it doesn't mean you have to avoid it from happening again every single time, cuz that's just BS.
or is it because they - or rather, I - don't really matter that much to you? is it that i just happened to be conveniently there for you? now i'm not there, you can just discard me like a torn t-shirt?

it's just plain selfish. and i never thought you to be as one. you disappoint me.

Weekend after Raya

Start the day with a cup of coffee, as usual.

At noon, went out to reload my TnG, then picked up my school besties to go beraya.

Ate some delicious laksa johor. This year x balik JB, ingatkan kempunan. rupanya ada orang nak buatkan. nice.

Melencong to Subang for some much needed hanging out, window shopping and dinner.

Sent them besties back home again.

Got home, Ibu buatkan nescafe, and tarik-ed by moi. double nice.

Sembang with cousins outside, and went to play a round of snooker (them, not me).

A looong and fun half-day. thanks.

p/s: Esok kerja... T_T

Woa Woa Balik Kampung

Thesis claims are in.

Paycheck has been deposited.

Clothes and stuff are ready.

New car has also arrived (although not mine).

Which leaves..... When are we going back ?!

First week

Alhamdulillah, things went well.

But then again, don't they all?

Lull before the chaos.. Quiet before the storm..

It'll be SNAFU soon. I can feel it.

Just please let it be after Raya.

Hello !

Hello new world. Await my existence.
And bow down in awe and amazement.

Decision decisions...

you pray to get more. and now that you've got it, you don't know whether to go or not..

the place is 3.5 hours, 400km and at least RM70 away.. where am I gonna get that much money? I certainly don't feel comfortable asking from them again, I've already asked way too many times..

Or should I just reject it?

But then again, there's the lure of meeting a friend while I'm there...


Remember the days when the hardest decision you had to make were "Where to eat" or "Do I go to class or not today" or "Where should we hang out this weekend" ?

Be Grateful

Resisting dining pleasures

Resisting fleshy pleasures

Giving in to peace

Giving in to calmness

Month of wealth

Month of fortune

Time to recharge

Time to change

Be charitable

Be happy

Be forgiving

And be grateful, thankful

Where "pahala" are aplenty

And fortunes in abundance

For 'tis the month of Ramadhan

Thank You for the many opportunities, hope one succeeds. Amin.

.no.title.

Fine.

Go ahead.

See if I care.

Actually, I do care, but...

What else to do when you can't eat

Got my new Stephen King novel yesterday. Yay. Got a 1000-page companion to keep me company when food and my human friends can't. ;)

No food, meaning can't eat. This is because Ramadhan, the month of fasting, is approaching in approximately either 1 hour or 25 hours, depending on the announcement tonight. Sigh.. Can't believe it's been a whole year already. Preparation is still nil. Total overhaul is required, stat.

Happy fasting to all my Muslim friends. Semoga Ramadhan kali ini lebih bermakna dan membawa 1001 keberkatan, InsyaAllah.

Book Frenzy

Finished Sparks' novel "The Last Song" last night. Sad story. Nearly shed a tear for Ronnie. Nearly. Now reading "The Lucky One", also from Sparks. So far so good, reached the part where the ex-marine gets a job at a dog center.

And waiting for the book I ordered to arrive. Actually it already arrived this morning, but since I was still asleep when the delivery van came, I'm gonna have to go to the main post office to collect my package. "Under The Dome" by Stephen King. Got it here.

I'll be signing off now. Need to find out what happened to the marine and his friend after the explosion. Toodles.

p/s: Off to see some friends tomorrow. How I wish you could be there too. miss you

The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest by Stieg Larsson

The story picks up where the previous book left off.Blomkvist arrested, Salander in the hospital and charged with multiple murders, Berger torn between her loyalties to Millenium and seduction of a better job at a bigger company.Throughout the book, we will get to see and learn more about the conspiracies behind Salander's childhood and the events leading to her (spoiler alert!) eventual release and acquittal.

Another book that I couldn't stop reading. The way the author writes the story makes you want to turn the next page. I kept saying "OK, this is the last page before I put it down", only to be found guilty still reading it an hour later.
It would be better if you peeps guy them as a set. Cheaper, and cuz you'd be hopping with anxiety to find out what happens in the next book! :)

Today, Tomorrow and So On

missing you and you and you.. 

and especially you..

Vid taken from Youtube, "Suara (Ku Berharap)" by Hijau Daun

The Girl Who Played With Fire by Stieg larsson

The book begins around a year after the events in Book 1. The main female character, Lisbeth Salander has been globetrotting using the money she obtained from last time. Mikael Blomkvist is looking forward to a new exposé along together with two of his friends; a journalist and his girlfriend, a doctorate student. When a horrible event occurs, Blomkvist is determined to solve it.

Another book that I just couldn't put down. I kept turning the pages to find out what happened next. :)

Damn Technical Issues

Have you noticed that when you need something urgently, at that time it chooses to be unavailable or broken down? sheesh..

Just got back from HP7 part 2. Battle scenes were awesome.

Will update on the second book from Stieg Larsson's trilogy which i finished yesterday morning around 3am, right now I've got a splitting headache. Need to wake up early tomorrow, going to KLCC. OK, relatively early compared to usual :p

Night Ramblings

It's been 3 months. 3 months gone since I first saw your smile light up the room.

Damn, I can't believe it's been that long. How time flies when you want it to slow down, and how it creeps on at a snail-like pace when you want it to go faster...

I'm happy where we are now. Believe me, I am. :D

But it doesn't mean that I don't think about the past and future, the what should and what ifs..

Its a cold night here. Drizzling. Might even pour heavier later tonight. Makes me miss you more.

Wanna have some ice cream soon. brrr...

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson

If asked to describe this book in one word, I would undoubtedly say "Addictive!".

Got the whole Millennium trilogy at MPH Bookstores a couple of days ago. I was apprehensive at first when I learned that the book was written by a Swedish author. I didn't even know the country had any good writers, and the only Swedish thing I know is IKEA and their scrumptious meatballs. yummy. Which reminds me, I'm hungry.. ughh

Anyway, it turned out my fears were unfounded. The story wasn't just good, it was practically un-putdownable, if you get what I mean. I couldn't stop reading, the plot was so intriguing every step of the way. Last night I stayed up to 4am before I realised the time and had to force myself to stop.

In a nutshell, the story is initially about the efforts of an investigative journalist to try and expose a crooked mafia financier. But along the way the plot turns elsewhere, where the main character is hired to write an autobiography of a retired industrialist and also to investigate a 40 year old mystery. With the help of an intelligent but socially-challenged woman, he uncovers a family history like no other, involving sexual abuse, deceit, estranged family ties and murder.

Can't wait to start on the second book, "The Girl Who Played With Fire". Need to remind myself to go slower this time around. ;)

.Hati.

Salahkah hati ini jika ia mahu terasa jealous atau dengki?

Mengapa semua my beloved kerja di sana. Sedihnya jiwa ini..

Sabar jelah wahai hati.. tu je mampu.

Safe Haven by Nicholas Sparks

Oh yeah, I forgot to update. Finished "Sherlock Holmes" a couple of days ago, took a while because the stories started to get dull and a sense of repetitiveness at the end. And today finished Nicholas Sparks' "Safe Haven" while waiting for the car to get serviced. Yeah, managed to read the whole thing (okay, actually 3 fifths, since I had started reading it the day before) while waiting for a car to undergo the usual maintenance. Is it just me or does his books tend to involve rain and storms and falling in love during the storm? LOL. Anyways, "Safe Haven" is a bit different than his usual stories, where it has a nice mix of romance but not too much, and a small dose of action and suspense, just enough to make it exciting without losing focus of the story and relationship of the main characters. A great read.

New books. Yay!

After several weeks of waiting impatiently, I was finally able to buy the late Stieg Larsson's Millennium-series, a trilogy of detective novels that were published after his death. I have heard mixed reviews regarding the series, so I couldn't wait to pick one up to find out for myself. In the end I grabbed all three :)
So, I'll begin with "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo" sometime tonight after I manage to get away from the internet.

Money makes the world go round, not gravity

Finally, the thing I have been waiting for has arrived. Without it, I have been a slave under the mindless control of monotony and loneliness. With it's return I can now free myself from this cage. Freedom! But as I fly out of the prison bars, I look left and right, and realize this: what's freedom without company? Sigh.. Tak ada gang la pulak. Sumer keje weekdays. Crap. Sape nak teman aku shopping? I need a new set of clothes. Sape nak teman beli buku? I need several new ones to occupy this unemployed phase. I even already have a few titles in mind... hmmm...

this Weekend

We are not like other countries out there who practically thrive on demonstrations and rallies. When are you people gonna get it? These types of demonstrations (and at such a time) usually has two possible endings: Someone gets hurt or worse, killed, and the demonstration turns into a violent riot. Second, you people are ordered to go away, you resist and the demonstration turns into a violent riot. Nothing good ever comes out of these things. Come on lah. We've been living peacefully (sort of) without these public show of violence. Look at other places where these thing happen, and tell me this, did anyone get physically hurt or killed? The answer is "yes", almost always "yes". We don't even need to look very far. Countries around us suffer badly whenever rallies like these are held, and in the end both the government AND the demonstrators end up being the losing party, plus a black paint mark upon our international face.

"Bersih is supposed to mean "clean", but ironically (or rather, hypocritically), the rally is quite the opposite. Hopefully, the decision to let them continue was wise. If not...

Best to stay at home and avoid any unwanted incidents. Peace.

Compass-like Destinations

East I have been.
South I have gone.
West I am going.
North is coming soon?

oookay...

.ouch.wow.that.hurt.

Master's at Harvard

I'm sure those of you reading this would think, "wow, really?!" when you saw my title just now. Haha don't get too excited.
It's kinda laughable when suddenly your dad says that he's never been to Harvard, and if you were there doing your Master's degree he would finally have a reason to go. Harv say what? Me, in Harvard? I literally LOL right there and then. I am sure he was kidding. I am not interested (yet) to do that. But after a killer statement like that coming from him (whom always speaks his mind), one does wonder, should I really continue my studies? Was that a veiled suggestion from him?

Ughh.. No no no. I've set my mind on getting my career started after the grueling 4 years I had just endured. I've just had about enough of classes and lectures and all the drama in between. Sorry dad, you are either gonna have to look at your daughter for that, or wait another 10-15 years and then check again to see if I am interested XD

for love or for money

It's been more than a month since my last official business as a student, which officially means i am a self-appointed official penganggur, or unemployed personnel.

Searching for jobs in my line of work with half-baked credentials and qualifications is difficult. Seeing some of my fellow fighters (with obviously better results and more experience) easily securing interviews and positions just adds insult to the injury. That's what you get when you do something you don't really love doing. Bottom-line: Do what you love, and never let anything else affect your decision.

One does wonder what would have happened if I took a different path 5 years ago. Snap decisions have always been a pain for me, and this was one of them.

Looking through job ads and various websites these past couple of weeks, it did occur to me: should I try for a position in writing instead? Freelance, temp, permanent, anything. It is, after all, one my many loves and interests...

Happy Birthday Ibu

Tomorrow the 26th of June is my mom's birthday. Happy Birthday. As usual we always celebrate the night before with a cake and a small gathering. Kakcik and I are sorry things didn't work out as we planned. We already had things figured out for the small celebration. Would have been perfect. Who knew that person would come, and ruining it by coming. There was nothing we could do. Sorry. :( Love you.

MonthLongAbsence

It's been a month since I last saw your pretty face...
The distance that separate disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face..
I'm here without you baby but you're still on my mind..
And I think about you all the time..

Distance was supposed to make my heart forget
But nothing has changed, it grows fonder instead
Oh boy, this is not going as planned..

Bits n pieces taken from 3 Doors Down - Here Without You

Just a thought...

Toll: RM 20.80 (back and forth)
Fuel: RM 30++ (back and forth)
Travel time: 45 minutes at an average 120km/h (one way)
Other salient points: Possible speeding fine each trip, possible traffic jams may affect commute time

Trip down south soon

To go or not to go,
That is the question.

And here we go again..
One more time..
Allah murahkan rezeki dan permudahkan urusan.
Amin

Thanks anyway

"And there you have it folks. A huge disappointment this has been", said the announcer..
Have you ever had that feeling when you want something so badly, you tend to think about it all the time, it keeps running in circles in your head, and you wish and wish real hard in the hopes that by doing so, the thing you wished for is granted? Well, that's just bullsh*t. Sometimes you expect too much. Choices are difficult, and sometimes having only one choice is so much better. But what if you don't even have that one single choice? No Door 1 and 2 on you left and right, but only a stretch of solid walls as far as the eye can see?

3rd Sunday of June

Father. Dad. Ayah. Papa. Abah. Baba. Pops. Their meanings are the same. It would be remiss of me to blog all June and not touch on Father's day.

They're meant to be role models to us. Act as a guide, a leader, a teacher, and if you're lucky, also as a friend. Go on fishing trips. Fix a car. A person you can talk to about sports, or girls. But then again, not all fathers are role models. Not all are good or great. Some don't even care about their families. But in the end, they're still are your dad.

In essence, not just a dad can be considered as a "father". For some, a person who is a hero in their eyes deserve to be called fathers too, because a father is always a hero to their children. In that sense, your hero can be someone else who has inspired you, a father-figure, and be a hero in your eyes, be it an uncle, a grandfather, a brother, or even your mom. If they have given you inspiration, if they have been your source of strength, if they have given cause to be your hero, then they too deserve to be celebrated on Father's day.

I spent Mother's day this year in a car and at my mom's hometown to take care of my grandfather's funeral. I am wondering how Father's day will be celebrated...

To all fathers and heroes out there, I wish you a very happy Father's day, may you continue to guide and inspire us all.

Allah Be Praised

Opened my results. My eyes ignored all the A B C details and skipped ahead to the final grade point... "Alhamdulillah" was the first word that came to mind, and "Ya Allah, nasib baik" was the phrase that came out of my mouth. As of 1.00am on this blessed Friday morning, I am done. After the short prayer I offered, I went over the details and was disappointed to discover a taint on the otherwise satisfying result. Sigh.. I can't say it wasn't expected, but still, to see it with my own two eyes was just hard.

Now that it's over, time for the second phase of this short human life: Work. Job. Career. Oh tidak... Even the thought of it is enough to make me wanna throw a pillow over my head and just close my eyes. But, being the firstborn, duty is duty, responsibility must be shouldered. With my sis still studying for her diploma and my bro about to finish school, I can't afford to be lying around, like some people i know yang x cari keje pun. hehe. naseb bek korang dua dah start jadi RA, kalo x mmg ak label korang sbg pemalas. haha.

Anyway, I'll be ending tonight's entry now. Need to update a few details before turning in for the night. toodles~

A Graduate At Last?

At 12.25am, an email from the UiTM system came into my inbox, bearing the results for my final semester. As I am typing this, I have yet to open the email and it's explosive, life-altering contents. I admit, when I open that email, a 4year battle for my degree will finally come to an end. Although i have been waiting for this moment for the past 4 years, now that it is upon me, I am scared. My hands are literally shaking like a leaf as I dance my fingers on the keyboard. Damn, result SPM pun x rasa macam ni dulu. Sheesh.What happens after I read the email? What do I do next? Sigh.. Choices choices, decisions decisions.. Seems like my plans to watch a TV series on the PC tonight are cancelled. I'll click that email soon. Soon.. I promise.

To my comrades in arms, it's been a helluva ride these past 4 years. i wish you good luck in all your future endeavors. Do keep in touch. To my dear, I hope you get the best, you certainly deserved it.

I will update sometime soon, after the blasted email has been opened. By me. Soon...

When Boredom Sets In

Thursday. Exactly a week since the interview. Been officially unemployed for a month now. Boy, sitting at home sure is boring. Today, I've been glued to the home PC, watching the last few episodes of Smallville, including them much anticipated series finale. Yes, series finale, not season. After 10 ghoulishly long seasons, it's finally over. Mixed feelings about the ending episodes. Disappointed to see the final allegedly-epic battle last only a few seconds (again, as in the Doomsday episode). And quite a number of loose ends too.

Anyway, when i checked the mailbox around 5pm (yes, i didn't venture out of the house the entire day. Sue me), I found a curious pamphlet. Upon further inspection, I saw that it wasn't a pamphlet but a newspaper. What surprised me was that it was from a political party and addressed to me. My first thought after seeing from where it came from was "Hey, I don't remember subscribing to any newspaper from any party. Why the hell are you people sending this to me?". Anyway, I brought it in and flipped through the pages. Yada yada yada... Government did this, didn't do that.. blahblahblah.. The people this, the people that.. yackyackyack.. and so on and so forth.

But what caught my eye was one of the article's headline, "Generasi Y Penentu PRU13", where PRU being Pilihan Raya Umum, or General Election. To be honest I'm not very fond of either side of the Dewan Rakyat, both are, in my eyes, are full of hot air and hypocrites of the highest order. A friend once told me that all of us are hypocrites in one way or the other, and I agree with her, but being way too obvious a hypocrite, especially since you are the leaders, is really annoying for us down here. So I was amused to see the article. I scanned through it and couldn't agree more. This was what I was talking about just yesterday. We, the youths, have an important role in this country's future, some of us already ARE playing a big role. We have our own opinions and ideas for our future. We can't just be pushed around or forced to be quiet like small schoolchildren. And we are certainly not happy with what see around us today. By denying us the freedom and the rights that we are entitled to in this blessed country, one side is pushing away a powerful force that can make or break any type of governing body.

What the hell are both sides doing? One side is pissing off and choking the people, the other side are a bunch of "lalang" and endangering the people. Both of you are losing sight of the REAL issue, the REAL reason we gained what we gained more than 50 years ago, the REAL reason you are in office, be it as an Opposition or Government. I think it's time someone knock both your collective heads together and put you back on track. Either that, or step down and make way for  younger minds, for a fresher perspective.

On a lighter note, since I finished the Smallville series, it's time to finish off my other series. Maybe i'll start with Chuck, I miss the Intersect and his team of super-spies. Or maybe the blasphemous Supernatural. Kids shouldn't be watching it without adult supervision and ample religious knowledge. Angels fighting over control and killing each other? God goes missing? Sheesh, dangerous much. Also have lots of other series. Hmm.. I'll pick one tonight then. :)

Freedom of Information? my freakin' a*s

Situation:

Today at noon I was downloading a new series, Game of Thrones, following the recommendation of a good friend of mine. So, I downloaded all available episodes, up to the 9th episode. Tonight, I go to the same website to get something else, and all I got was an "Oops..!" announcement from my internet browser.. 

WTF!!! Man, I was pissed. Hell, I still am. Why, in the name of the Gods of  P2P, did you freaking people block it?! What would be the use of introducing a high-speed internet connection to us citizens and then remove the MAIN reason we upgraded to the high-speed connection? Bloody freakin' idiots. For what?

Dear Mr. Filmmaker, 1: "Unauthorized use of copyrighted work" is not destroying the industry because there IS no film industry whatsoever to destroy. Most of your movies ALREADY suck, so what is there to destroy? Sorry, but in any given year, the number of good movies can be counted on the fingers of one hand, at best two. So don't complain. You guys suck... And 2: Err, hello? Most of us out here don't even download for profit, but just for personal use. Why not go and take down people that do? I still see porn being sold in the streets, I still see shops selling obviously pirated CD's at legitimate shoplots. What about them? Why not block websites that share journals too, since those research were done by hardworking people, consuming a lot of time to study. Why not block websites that share pictures and photographs too, since those photographs were taken and edited by hardworking people. Why not block websites that share installer software too since those softwares were developed painstakingly by people. Next thing you know, online newspapers will be blocked, and then blogs, followed by social networking websites. Why not just block the whole damn Internet while you're at it? And oh, don't stop there! Block the media too, television and radio cuz they are a source of sex and violence. And then block newspapers and magazines, cuz that's how people learn about gossip and immoral stories. And if you were wondering, all that was sarcasm... I repeat: bloody freakin' a-holes.

Let's give an everyday example, say a knife. It can be used to cut up meat and veggies in the kitchen, or for survival in the wild, or cutting pieces of rope or wire at the local hardware store, or to stab and kill people. But you don't ban the selling of the freaking knife just because some people decide to use it for bad purposes, do you? Is it the knife's fault it killed a person?

Basically, you can't ban everything in the world, you can't censor or ban everything from being viewed by the public.. you can't control the Internet, it's a free place. And by doing what you just did, you have just made yourselves VERY unpopular among the younger generation, which make up more than half of Internet users in this country (Nielsen, Apr 2011). And according to history, youths are a force to be reckoned with..

Just a piece to vent my frustration. There are many other ways to circumvent the ban, but still... sheesh.

Silver Lining

As I once said, talking to you always brings a smile to my face by the time we end our meeting or by the time I hang up. You always manage to find and show to me a silver lining whenever I say it's dark. And today you did it again. To say my hopes were dampened would be an understatement after finding out what I found out. so, thank you for your words. Straightforward, true words. Sometimes I wish I could be your silver lining, your moisture-tolerant shoulder, your beacon of light, your glimmer of hope when you need it. I wish I could just do something for you in return, I know you more than deserve to be treated nicely.

Deflated Hopes

Once upon a time, there was this company. They took in students for internship from various engineering disciplines, mine included. But now when I am trying to find work there, all the available positions I see are positions for people with only this one certain type of engineering degree, mine NOT included. How can you offer internships for my discipline and yet have no available openings for permanent staff? And here I was, hoping upon hope that they would have a suitable position - any related position - for my qualifications . Sigh.. Back to square one, I guess...

Currently Reading: Sherlock Holmes The Complete Novels and Stories Volume 1

Finished "The Notebook" in a few hours after started reading it. The story was nice, the plot was lovely and simple, the characters were easy to relate to. I realised that I haven't actually read a love story before. All in all it was okay. But a bit too much love in one book, kinda overdosed me. So now I'm switching to a more logical and thrilling read about the famous Sherlock Holmes. Gone through the first story and halfway into the second, where Holmes and Watson are introduced to the lovely Miss Morstan. The English used in the novel is an old type of British English, making it a bit difficult to understand and causing me to constantly flip through a dictionary. But it is enjoyable so far. Can't wait to finish so I can get Stephen King's "Under The Dome" and Sparks' "The Wedding". heheh... hey, just because I'm a guy doesn't mean i can't read love stories :)

one down~

Today's interview went well I think, Alhamdulillah. At the end of my allocated 30 minutes, the interviewers even had the courtesy of giving out pointers on how to handle future interviews. memang terbaik lah Mr. Zaidi and Mr. Suffian. Thanks a lot for your time and advice. The results will be known at the latest first week of July. dang, so long ah? In the meantime, I'm praying I get more calls. I'm dying of boredom at home...

Currently Reading: The Notebook

While waiting for the briefing session to start this morning and also on the train back home after the session was over, had time to open up a new book i just got yesterday at Mydin USJ. It was one of those foldable-table type shops in front of the escalator on the first floor. Found tons of books that I wanted but hadn't the money to buy, and here they were at reduced price. So, i "borrowed" money from my mom (thanks! i'm still broke) and got some books. I wanted to get a whole lot more (the other Nicholas Sparks books, Stieg Larsson's "The Girl Who..." collection, and Stephen King's "Under The Dome", but wo meiyou qian.. no money lorr). In the end I took "The Notebook" by Nicholas Sparks and "Sherlock Holmes: The Complete Novels and Stories Volume 1" by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. Yeah yeah i know, they're pretty old books but I haven't read them yet. Bite me.

So far, The Notebook is okay, still getting to know the two main characters. Probably will comment on how it was when i'm done, if I feel like it :)

Off To Work?

Got my first call for an interview, finally. Alhamdulillah.. Today was just the initial briefing and a technical test. although we had no idea what the test was trying to prove. The first part was okay, simple and straightforward, unless there was a hidden agenda there.. they gave us a couple of technical drawings like at school and told us to draw in the missing views. you know, the plan view, elevation view etc.. so it was okay. the SECOND part however is a different story..

Imagine a photograph of an oil rig out at sea. the question: "If you were to make a vertical cut of the ocean beside the oil rig, what would you see? draw it in the blank space below". There was also a second photograph, this time an oil refinery plant on land, with the same "vertical cut" question.
Say what? I don't have x-ray vision, how am i supposed to know what's under there.. So, i just drew what i could imagine. it was ridiculous after it was finished, but hey, they wanted a drawing, i'll give them a drawing..

Hope all goes well for my first interview tomorrow!

Wedding conversations

Conversation yang agak sentap between my family members during one of the wedding kenduri we attended this weekend:

Sentap #1
Mak unggal fuzi: Zuden, girlfriend awak yang aritu ada lagi x? ala, yang Pak busu awak tolong hantar sampai ke rumah aritu masa kat johor.
Me: *dalam hati* "apakah? how did you even know that?" *out loud* Huh? girlfriend? oh yang tu.. tak lah, x ada apa2 lagi dah dengan yang tu..
Ibu: Dia dah 2 kali tukar dah tu..
Me: "ughhh... dengar pulak mak aku ni kalau bab awek ni"

Sentap #2
Ayah (to Mak unggal fuzi): Nanti awak nak buat knduri anak awak, awak sponsor 50 orang jemputan je, senang. the rest guna live telecast je, webcam ke youtube ke..

Mak unggal fuzi: Wah, mmg jimat. OK jugak tu. kita bayar 50 orang untuk family terdekat je, yg lain-lain kita guna internet je. Hah Zudin (me), dengar tu. nanti ayah awak support 50 orang je tau. yang lain awak jemput through Fesbook and suruh witness it online je, x payah susah2 datang. jimat duit makan pun jimat. kalau nak buat kat atas Gunung Kinabalu pun xpe. yang penting saksi tu je.

Me: Erkkk... Haha betul la tu, ok jugak. *dalam hati* "Why me? ramai lagi orang laen kat sini yang  x kawen lagi kot. and motif aku nak buat kat Gunung Kinabalu?"




Conclusion: I hate school holidays yang banyak wedding, ada je nanti aku kene perli T_T

Forgotten No more~

One of my first poems I wrote in this year of 2011. Inspiration hits when the mood is there. The mood comes when emotion is touched. :)

Will you be there when I need you the most?

Will you brush away my tears when they fall?

Will you make me smile like a crazy idiot?

Will you do anything to make me happy?

Will you promise never to break a promise?

Will you trust me when i don't trust myself?

Will you pick me up when i fall to the ground?

Alas,

For these I can give you no answer

I am not a reader of minds

Nor an owner of a magical crystal ball

But please dear, look at me

Look into my heart, my soul

And tell me what can you find

Can you see it in my eyes,

In the way I look at you?

Can you hear it in my voice?

Can you see that I won't leave you behind?

Can you see that I would never forget you?

Can you see that i would always treat you right?

And can you see that I view you as a door, not a key?

A door to the unexpected and undreamed of

Full of surprises and the unexplored

I cannot promise to fulfill all of these words

I am but a lowly and humble human

But if you can trust me, if you believe me

I will perform this pledge to the best that I can

Yes, I am merely a lonely passer-by

Possessing nothing but simple words as my weapon

Paper and technology as my battle field

And the World Wide Web as my messenger

So, I send this to you, dear friend

With the glimmer of hope, hope for a chance

Will you let me enter into your life?

Will you allow me to steal your heart?

Because you are lovable if you want to be.

~product of IzzJ 19April2011 514pm~

sleep deprived

tick-tock. listening to the fan spinning. hearing the rats behind my home calling out. and soon i'll be hearing the mengaji from the nearby mosque. ya Allah da kul5 knapa tak ley tido ni.. secara tiba2 segenggam keresahan melanda jiwa dan hati tanpa simpati. tak sedar kah bahawa skang ni dah kul5 pagi, kenapa perasaan bergolak datang di ketika ini.. mengapakah aku tiba2 rasa resah dan bersalah tak tentu pasal ni? guilty for my past wrongdoings and sins..

why does the heart feel sad and empty

when there is no reason for it to be

why does the mind continues to scream

when it does not need to yell and be crazy

in the cold and quiet of the night

my fingers dance out as if in flight

in the silence and calm of the darkness

i find myself overcome with sadness

faces of you you and you swim in my eyes

faces of those that i had fed love and lies

voices of friends i have lost, left without a sound

touch from previous loves, can no longer be found

reminiscing of what i had done

all the promises i had spoken

all the hopes i had broken

and all dreams i have shaken

what have i done? how could i do it too?

you all don't deserve what i did to you

these words might never reach them

but i must say it, say what a fool i am

i am sorry for the lies you didn't know

i am sorry for the actions you didn't deserve

i am sorry for the words i made and broke

i am sorry for the advantage that i took

i am sorry for using you and you and you

i am sorry for everything else i did to you

my list of faults are surely a lot longer

but forgetful me can think of no other

i hope the experience made you stronger

to better equip and prepare for the future

i wish you are now happy and content

i wish you have found a better replacement

i wish you a long and loving relationship

and i wish you found more than friendship

this sad soul wishes it could turn back time

this heart hopes you can forgive my soul's plight

it is no wonder i got what i got from her

'twas the Lord's way of saying "serves you right"

but He is merciful enough to give me another

it is up to me, then, what to do with her

i promise i will and i must treat her right

for she is now a beacon of hope and light

light that shines into the dark of my heart

giving hope to what was once torn apart

for this i thank You, and also to you dear.

~product of IzzJ 31May2011 540am~

Friendsforlife

late at night. it's freaking 3am and can't sleep. feeling melancholy and sentimental all of a sudden. don't ask me why. when it happens, it happens. and the feeling reminded me of an old evergreen song, "That's What Friends Are For". Dedicated for my friends, longtime and newly forged, current and previous, and for the one and only friend-turned girlfriend-turned ex-turned close friend. Just a gentle reminder, cuz that's what friends are for...

And I never thought I'd feel this way

And as far as I'm concerned

I'm glad I got the chance to say

That I do believe I love you

And if I should ever go away

Well, then close your eyes and try to feel

The way we do today

And then if you can remember

Keep smilin', keep shinin'

Knowin' you can always count on me, for sure

That's what friends are for

For good times and bad times

I'll be on your side forever more

That's what friends are for

Well, you came and opened me

And now there's so much more I see

And so by the way I thank you

Whoa, and then for the times when we're apart

Well, then close your eyes and know

These words are comin' from my heart

And then if you can remember, oh

Keep smiling, keep shining

Knowing you can always count on me, for sure

That's what friends are for

In good times, in bad times

I'll be on your side forever more

Oh, that's what friends are for

Whoa... oh... oh... keep smilin', keep shinin'

Knowin' you can always count on me, for sure

That's what friends are for

For good times and bad times

I'll be on your side forever more

That's what friends are for

Keep smilin', keep shinin'

Knowin' you can always count on me, oh, for sure

'Cause I tell you that's what friends are for

For good times and for bad times

I'll be on your side forever more

That's what friends are for (That's what friends are for)

On me, for sure

That's what friends are for

Keep smilin', keep shinin'

A Doctor in the House - The Memoirs of Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamad

I finished reading "A Doctor In The House". Took me more than a week to finish the 800 page book. It's a memoir written by Tun Dr. Mahathir Mohamad himself, starting from his parents humble beginnings and his own upbringing in Malaya under British rule. it also gives us insight on his experience becoming one of the first Malay doctors in Kedah until the time he resigns as Malaysia's longest serving Prime Minister, up to the recent events occurring within this past year. Known for his outspoken - and often criticized - views and unmoving stand for anything he believes in, this is a must read for those who wish to see the life and times of Che' Det through his perspective.

Being born in a time where Malaysia has already become a prosperous and stable country, the memoir has made me come to realize a lot of things that i did not know or had been misinformed previously. Also made me be grateful for all his work and ideas that has made our country the way it is now, regardless of what others say.

This is the former premier's point of view, his perspective, the way he sees it. As with any historical event, there are always more than one side of the story. Any suggestions to other perspectives? I'd be glad to read them too.

Picture taken from http://mphonline.com/books/mahathir_mohamad.aspx

Of Shared House and the Past

Sent my lil' sis back to her university today with the whole family. Upon arrival, we saw the parents of her house mates hanging outside of the house, getting ready to leave. It was almost as if they were waiting for us.

Talking To You

From Bruno Mars' "Talking To The Moon", with a few adjustments to suit how I am feeling right now.. okay, I admit some of 'em are a bit weird, but... :)

I know you're somewhere out there
Somewhere in Kay Ell
I want you now
I want you now
My friends all think I'm crazy
But they don't understand
You're all I have
You're all I want

At night when the stars
light up my room
I sit by myself

Talking to the phone
Trying to get to you
In hopes you have
credit to use
To talk to me too
I'm not a fool
Cuz we're not alone
Talking to the phone

I'm feeling like I'm needed
The reason why you smile
They say
I've gone mad
Yeah
I've gone mad
But they don't know
what I know
Cause when the
sun goes down
Someone wants me there
Yeah
Wants me there with them


At night when the stars
light up my room
I sit by myself
Talking to the phone


Trying to get to you
In hopes you have
credit to use
To talk to me too
I'm not a fool
Cuz we're not alone
Talking to the phone


Ahh Ahh,
Ahh Ahh,


You always hear me calling..
Cause every night 
I text into the phone
Still trying to get to you


In hopes you have
credit to use
To talk to me too
I'm not a fool
Cuz we're not alone
Talking to the phone


I know you're somewhere out there
Somewhere in Kay Ell

The Trinity of Words

Please.

Thank you.

I love you.

In any language, these three sentences are perhaps the most powerful ever. A person who has experienced any or all three should be grateful. It has the power to make a bad day seem all better. They are powerful enough to turn a frown upside down. All it takes is one of them to make my day. 

Our elders told us to always mind our P's and Q's, which shows how well we were brought up and reflects our parents characteristics. To have someone say "I love you" - be it from a family member, friend, partner or special loved one -  is just heartwarming, it could fill a person's eyes with tears. 

So thank you dear reader. Please come again, if you like what you are seeing. I can't exactly say "I love you" to everyone, that's reserved for those who really deserve it. But you get the picture :)

Panda Panda Panda

went to see Kungfu Panda 2 with my cousins just now. hey we maybe adults, but that doesn't mean we're not kids at heart XD

it was great! a lot of comedy and action, as usual. although Po was getting a bit on my nerves with his stupidity at the wrong moment.  LOL. but that's Jack Black, what else can i say? cool. and also how could that animal be the main villain? seemed so wrong.. haha. a definite must watch :)

p/s: possibility of a 3rd installment perhaps, due to a little teaser at the end? hope so! :)

time is a friend and an enemy

Spare time. Sometimes it's good. sometimes it's bad. depends on how one uses it. I end up just watching the tube, surfing the 'Net or playing games. I prefer to have a good book to read and a cup of hot/cold drink (depending on weather, preferably caffeinated) and curl up on the couch. Heck, i could stay that way for hours if the book is a great read.

But sometimes, I end up thinking too much. Thinking bout what happened, what will be, what if, bout future events, bout the past. ughh... And usually thinking bout stuff that I miss, what lies in wait for me, the chances i missed, the wrong choices i made, doors that I left. Which then makes me feel sad. haha. you're probably thinking, "what the hell is this guy saying". i don't mind. I have a hard time understanding myself sometimes. Just needed an outlet of some sort, i guess..

Thank You~

Say thanks for time spent

Say thanks for the things we shared

Thanks for every laugh I was blessed to hear

Thanks for every smile I was fortunate to see

Say thanks for having you my dear

Yes even for awhile

Although short the loan was

Doesn't mean most easily forgotten

"Thank you"

Difficult to say, it is not

But the affect? Profound, it is
Say thanks for everything

Thank you Piqa ku

Thank You Allah

~~~~~~~~~~~

Words Are All I Have

Wordplay. A powerful tool for essays at school and university level, for reports at the workplace, even for everyday conversation, be it English or Malay.

First of All...

Heyya peeps. Never thought I'd see myself blogging here because I never really had a thing for keeping diaries or talking to myself, unless it's for work. What changed my mind was a suggestion from my dad, who thought I should start a blog to fill my time. Yes, I find myself with a lot of spare time now that I've finished my studies. At first I was skeptical. hell, I still am. But I'll see how things go first, after that only I can come to a conclusion :)

So here goes. The name given here is Izzu, so I'll stick to it for now. From a city in Selangor, Malaysia. And as stated previously, recently graduated. Seems so odd to say that word, "graduated".

Since this is my first attempt at this, I still don't have a scope or guideline on what I wanna write yet. I guess it'll develop along the way. And yeah, i don't really care if no one reads this, it's just an attempt at something new ^.^
But if there are any readers or followers, i would greatly appreciate any input or ideas.
til then, ciao~